Readers! How’s it going? Since my 15 minutes of fame from my last escapade have gone, I thirst for the limelight even more. So I thought I’d write another story for your enjoyment.

Yesterday I gave blood. (Don’t thank me. I ‘m just an American hero doing American heroic work. Take that Sully!) I finished at about 2 and got my green badge of courage. They said that  I needed to wear it for 5 hours. But what do they know?

So after work (around 6) Wife and I were coming back from the car. I bravely removed my bandage before parking the car at our complex. I snagged a couple bags of groceries that we had picked up and headed for our apartment. Now for reasons that will remain undisclosed, Wife and I were laughing pretty hard while trying to get into the apartment. We open the door and I feel something wet on my arm. I look down and see blood spurting from my American hero wound onto my American hero shirt.

But don’t panic readers! I did the only sensible thing. I tore my pant leg and made a makeshift tourniquet, smeared mud all over my face, grabbed my comicly oversized gun that’s clearly a large hair dryer and ran around the complex shouting,

“Git to the choppa! Yearargh! Come with me if you want to live! I’ll be back! YAREGHARA!”

Best. Wednesday. Ever.

Artistic rendition of the preceding events