Disclaimer: You must realize Sophie Kinsella/Madeline Wickham is my favorite author; she’s my home girl. I’ve read all of her books (that I can get my hands on…some are still only available in England) and I’m a purist.

As you know, I’ve been looking forward to the big screen adaptation of Confessions of  a Shopaholic for quite a few months. The trailer features Disturbia by Rihanna. I’ve found myself mindlessly humming and skipping to this tune in anticipation for the release…ask Steven. I had a lot riding on the film. Rebecca (the main character) is almost tangible to me, like a long lost girlfriend. Whenever I read the books, I acted the chapters out in my mind and hoped one day it would be captured in a moving picture.

Well, that day has come…and gone.

In scenes where the entire audience erupted with laughter, I found myself straight faced. For the average Joe, the movie was cute and obviously enjoyable, deemed by the audiences’ reaction, but I’m no average Joe when it comes to Sophie. Her writing is already sassy-chic and wittingly entertaining, so why impinge on the already perfected? The best way I can describe the movie is plagiarized. Honestly, that’s the most succinct description. They (the movie people) took specific ideas and even lines (remember I just re-read the book in preparation for the movie) directly from the book but put them in an odd and skewed way in the movie. It was messed up. Like there were so many things similar but totally screwed up at the same time that sometimes I felt like my head was spinning.

I have to stop myself. I could keep going…with specific examples, heaven knows poor Steven had to hear them all. If you know nothing about the book, see the movie, you’ll like it; however, I hate to fall guilty to the cliche, but the book really is better.

PS The other thing I don’t understand…Isla Fisher (who plays Rebecca Bloomwood) naturally has an Australian accent, which is a lot more British sounding… SO WHY WOULDN’T SHE USE IT!?!?!

PPS When John Goodman plays the part of her dad and the mom plops a big plate of WINGS on his gut I knew the film was GONE! Wings? Are you kidding me? They’re supposed to be British and live in the country and like their sexy drinks and telly! Ugh

PPPS I was really disturbed to see the way Brandon & Rebecca’s love blossomed on the big screen. It was true to Hollywood, SO superficial.

PPPPS 10 minutes after leaving the theater, I may have asked Steven if we could act out the real version of the book and video tape it for posterities’ sake

PPPPPS SPOILER ALERT: She NEVER kicks her habit…that’s why there’s FIVE freaking books in the series. Double Ugh

PPPPPPS Sorry, I know I said I would stop. I didn’t. I really will now. But for the record, I could keep going.