Please try to remember a few things when using the workout facilities.

It is not your personal workout room, hence:

   a) remember the simple act of exercising and releasing of fluids and toxins only intensifies bodily smells, so please don’t reek like a wet dog (literally not like a simile) even before beginning your workout; it really just adds to the already inevitable stench.

   b) if you’re going to bring a towel to remove excess moisture, please make sure it isn’t covered in DOG HAIR.

   c) there are two televisions, TWO, which means if one resident is currently watching a (very important) show (i.e. Exiled by MTV) please do not proceed to take the remote from her cup holder and try to change her channel without asking. Yes, you did the right thing by using the other television; however, did you really need to turn “The Price is Right” on so loud that it mutes out the other television-the FIRST television on?

XOX,

Your Fellow Resident

PS You should know, I don’t do animals…well.

PPS You should also know that since being on The Price is Right (no, I won’t give you my autograph even though I know you’re addicted to the show because this isn’t the first time this episode-no pun intended- has happened) I have a weird nostalgic-phobia-anxiety of the show and can’t watch it.