Readers, readers, readers. Gotta tell you, feels good being back in the driver seat here. Wife and I are slowly getting our groove going in NC and I finally have a chance to dust off the ol’ keyboard and clack out a few posts maybe.

Now I’m sure that I’ve piqued the interest of many, many (read: two) people regarding my cryptic Facebook messages about totaled cars and such. I figure such viral campaigns are such the rage now, I was going to send you all off on a goose chase through the interwebs to piece together pictures bit by bit. But then I realize you all would lose interest immediately and go off to play some spider solitaire instead (cough cough tayandshay cough cough) So I’m going to play it straight here. You get the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. Well that plus some side melodramatic commentary by yours truly.(“The horror!” ) 

Ok, so let’s cast our minds back to the first week of July. Wife and I were making final preparations for the move and the final box that needed its check was Teyshaun. Long story short we had a hayday trying to get someone to move our car. Needless to say we finally worked it out and got Teyshaun to the drop point.

The last picture of Teyshaun alive

So T was to be loaded on the truck first because he was going to be the last one off. This meant that he was facing backwards hanging over the truck cab. This detail is important so readers, jot it down in your little Encyclopedia Brown sleuth books.

We arrived to North Carolina bright eyed and bushy tailed. The second day that we were there we got a phone call from our driver with grim news. Apparently in the plains of Nebraska (You are so on notice Nebraska!) our trucker blew a steer tire and ran off the road. Luckily for him something stopped his truck from running full speed into a tree. Unluckily for us, it was Teyshaun.

Readers, I could go into details about how sad/mad/shocked/dismayed/downright peeved we were, but my therapist says I should bury my emotions deep, deep inside me and let them fester. So instead I’m going to give you the pictures. A warning to the faint of heart: It’s not pretty.

Well readers as you can see, about 75% of Teyshaun made it here just fine. But unfortunately he didn’t have a trunk, which would be good for parking in those stupid spaces marked for “compact cars” but everybody and their dog deemed him gonezo.

Yeah.

So. Wife and I had the wonderful opportunity to go car shopping whilst in North Carolina. And after much searching we have found a replacement! I present for your approval: Sameshaun.

Yes readers, thousands of miles away from the original, Wife and I found the exact same car but better! Why is it better? Two words: Rear spoiler. Actually we got a whole bunch more bells and whistles and shiny things than we did with Teyshaun. Plus with a little haggling we came out even from Teyshaun so we call that a win. We’ve even taken Sameshaun on a road trip to try him out and he handled everything like a champ.

Now, I know what you readers are saying, “Dang Cramer. Teyshaun was thugged out! And now this car looks like it should being wearing a turtleneck, sipping an orange mocha frappacino and commenting about global warming”

I know, I know. But you gotta play with the cards you’re dealt and considering the circumstances we are EXTREMELY happy with the car. Except for one thing. You see, readers, we’ve just called him “Sameshaun” for obvious reasons. We are wondering, though, if you out there in the blogosphere, reading this in your footie pjs have a better name for our new car. Hit me with your best shot in the comments below.