I am currently watching the Oscars, while switching to some ghetto-fight movie starring Markie Mark (Wahlberg) on commercials to appease Steven’s appetite. Steven has been a champ this evening, sticking out the Oscars including the Red Carpet coverage. And I’m not just talking about the 30 min. coverage on ABC before the show starts…I’m talking about the hours of beforehand coverage on E.

Steven indulged me in this annual tradition I have, and used to join my mother with, of watching the Red Carpet, commentating–sometimes rather ruthlessly–on the attire while eating a shrimp cocktail. To help ease Steven’s pain, I made him his own “manly man” snack to help him feel less emasculated.

I love looking at the dress styles, colors and accessories and seeing what I think worked fabulously well and others that fell short of deserving any sort of recognition, positive or negative. I was prepared to see bold, bright colors as well as pale gold/yellows, whites and creams. I was excited to see who would take a chance and who would just look ridiculous (swan dress replay anyone?).

In truth, I was rather disappointed this year…so many women played it safe. I hate to sound like Kimora Lee Simmons (if you watched the E coverage you know what I’m talking about) but for the most part I agree in that sometimes playing it safe is boring!

For example, Cameron Diaz, darling, you always look radiant you have one of the most rockin bods (namely shoulders and triceps) ever but seriously, how many times have I seen you in that same look? I’ll give you props for the beautiful, blush pink color but I feel like I’ve seen this style a few times from you.

OK, and Renee Zellweger, I’m sorry but I just can’t appreciate your pixi-bob cut…if it were just an inch or two longer, I think it would look absolutely adorable.

Chick in La Via En Rose or whatever, congrats on your Oscar, but your dress, yes the mermaid-fish scale creation is just atrocious but thank you for taking a chance, unfortunately it just didn’t pay off in my book.

The color of the night: RED and the accessory: DIAMONDS. Two of my favorite executions were by Heidi Klum (shout-out for Project Runway, now if I only had Bravo so my husband didn’t have to bootleg it for me) and Katherine Heigl.

Now, I just have to wait a few painstakingly more days until People’s Oscar addition hits the stands were I can see what the “experts” think.

Can Someone PUH-LEASE Give Her Some Mascara?

Oh, Hillary, Why Did You Have to Go from This Striking Blue Number (which I know some “experts” don’t care for but with a back like that…HELLO!) to the Somewhat Cheesy Black One?

Officially the WORST Dress of the ENTIRE Evening: