So Eb and I are participating in a timeless Bowman girls tradtion: watching the Miss America Pagent. Apparently this a big extravaganza complete with shrimp cocktails and endless gossip. Since I’m stuck lucky to watch it with my wife I’m going to give my two cents throughout the night. I’ve already missed the opening going on an ice cream run so off to the races!!

9:30 pm Hey it’s 2007 winner OKLAHOMA! BOOMER SOONER!

 They have a Miss America outstanding teen? What’s next, a Subway sub of the pagent?

9:31 pm Montage of old swimsuit competitions haha awkward!

9:41 pm Wow. I didn’t realize that the latest fashion trend for the summer season is pumpkin. I mean it’s bad. I saw about 14 traffic cones trying to strut their stuff on the walkway. Yay for Utah and modesty!

 9:42 pm Nothing makes me want to spend time at the Planet Hollywood than American Pagent contestants saying how awesome it is. Note to marketing people: Pagent girls are NOT good salemen! ”Honey! Pack your bags! Gotta go to that Planet thinger! Why? Cause that lady awkwardly told us so!”

 9:55 pm Down to the top ten. Eb’s batting about .500 which would get you into Cooperstown. The Utah lady got voted off but then did pushups. Way rad.

9:56 pm Are the brownies done yet? I’m starving

9:57 pm Ok the first time they showed this Tostitos commercial it was funny. I’ve seen it literally 8 times tonight alone.

9:58 pm How does one define “more luminous skin?”

9:59 pm 24 minutes for brownies?? Good heavens!

10:05 pm Evening gown section: I just don’t get what goes through their minds when picking these suckers ( 9 times on the Tostitos commercial!!!) So. many. sparklies. My eyes hurt.

 10:09 pm YES! Talent competition!! Come on xylophone playing!

10:10 pm “Somewhere over the rainbow?” She’s donezo. Uh oh she’s acting across the stage. Totally donezo.

10:11 pm Seriously. She’s spinning across the stage. Please. Stop. Now.

10:12 pm Oh. my. goodness. OPERA! Where are my brownies??????

10:13 pm She’s been practicing this piece for 9 months? Ten bucks says about 5 of those were trying to figger out where she was going to run to on the stage.

10:14 pm More singing. UGH. SPANISH BANDA???? WHAT ARE YOU ALL EATING BACKSTAGE?

10:15 pm I swear if the next lady sings I going out and buying my own brownies.

10:17 pm Ballet. Close enough. I’m out.

10:20 pm SONUVA!!!! They just eliminated the baton twirler!!!!

 10:25 pm No. More. Singing. Please doesn’t someone have some other talent? I’ll take changing a car tire at this point here. 

10:28 pm I may have spoken too soon. Jazz on point? Awful. Just Awful.

10:30 pm That’s what I’m talking about! Miss Wisconsin just tore it up on the violin. Ladies, frontrunner. Calling it right now. Holy schniekes she’s good.

10:32 pm Go North Carolina! Come on! No more singing!

10:33 pm Yayus. Way better than first ballet lady.

10:35 pm Wisconsin’s the winner of that hands down.

10:36 pm Another Planet Hollywood commercial. Nobody cares.

10:36 pm 10! 10 times on the Tositos commercial!!

10:40 pm Haha! Such as the Iraq, and South Africa and such as we need some maps. Such as.

10:46 pm Yes Britney’s sister should be fired. She’s not a bad person, she’s a bad role model.

10:47 pm 11 Tostitos commercials

10:50 pm Mmmmmmm brownies

10:51 pm Yay Oklahoma girl montage!

10:53 pm Here we go! Come on Wisconsin!

10:54 pm Yes she’s still in it to win it.

10:55 pm Michigan????? Freaking Michigan? She SUCKED! Booooo!

11:00 pm That was lame. Well at least I got a brownie. I’m going to eat it in bed. Peace out.